The Very Secret Diary of Tidus
by Alceon
Summary: A bit of a rip off of the the LOTR Diaries. Hope you'll give it a try anyway.
1. Chapter 1

I stole the idea yes I know, but the concept could work work with just about any story or genre. Let me know if you think I should continue

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**The Very Secret Diary of Tidus**

**Day 1**

If my father isn't taking the spotlight from me then it's someone else. Have half a mind to have words with this Sin character. Mmm, on second thought maybe I should pick on someone my own size.

Auron seems intent on running towards him though, the man is obviously senile.

**Day 2**

Woke up alone. Auron has obviously scarpered as soon as things got too rough. Like I said, senile. It was bound to happen, I mean what normal person doesn't know how to dress themselves.

Met a hot chick called Rikku. She didn't seem to like me though and _demonstrated it_.

**Day 3**

Rikku took me on board her ship. Made me swim with her then tried to do me in by making me fight this massive octopus. I wasn't intimidated though, except for feeling slightly nauseous when it mad me think of some bad calamari I had the other day.

Later Rikku gave me food. Contrary! Jeez, woman!

Turns out I'm 1000 years into the future, just my luck.

Was just getting comfy with Rikku when HE came and butted in again. This Sin is getting to be problem.

**Day 4**

Woke up in sea off beautiful Tropical Island, pity about the islanders. Met guy called Wakka who keeps confirming what he's said to me. I think he thinks I'm not too bright. He took me to his island with promise of food so I followed. Never gave the food though the sneaky bugger.

**Day 4 Later**

Met another hot chick! All dressed in black and bondage gear. Suspect she may want to smite me though. Made craven attempts to hide behind Wakka but she noticed me anyway. Must avoid her in the future.

Met someone else instead. Girl called Yuna. Suspect she may be more famous than me though. This could be a problem.

Yuna has strange big beasts she can call on anytime called Aeons. Must be more subtle with the advances then.

**Day 5**

Going on a boat with Yuna and co. to Kilika. And guess who shows up on the way?

Yup, Sin again, and just when I was chatting up Yuna too. I think this guy has something against me. We had to fight it, someone said something about distracting it but I was too busy feigning seasickness to pay too much attention.

We lost and Sin destroyed Kilika. What did I say?

Saw Yuna walk on water and do a funny dance. Am having second thoughts about her. She is too weird by far.

**Day 6**

Went to temple with Yuna. Seems she is going to get another Aeon. Is this a warning?

Met a bunch of blitzers there, the lead one looked kinda like Stephen Baldwin. Said so to Wakka, but he didn't know who I was talking about. Ignorant git.

**Day 7**

Arrived at Luca. At last civilization. Met a guy called Seymour. He has long nails and girly voice. Wakka must have mistaken my sniggering for exclamations of awe coz he said something about being psyched up.

Rescued Yuna later from the Al Bhed Psyches. Their boat looked kinda like Rikku's. Turns out Yuna is half Al Bhed, I'm kinda into her again.

Played a match against the Luca Goers with the Stephen Baldwin look-alike captain. Whipped their arses! Took opportunity to show off my moves.

Afterwards the stadium was set upon by fiends. Would have been buggered if not for girly Seymour.

Oh, and Auron showed up again. Turns out he's famous too, worse luck.

He told me Sin's my Dad. I tried to explain the laws of physics and nature to Auron but he just kept saying, "Sin is Jecht," over and over. Senile.

Although, it may explain why the damn thing keeps butting into my love life.

**Day 8**

Walked for ages along a boring road. Don't these people know I'm a pampered sports star, not used to walking such distances? Auron took the opportunity to show me up. He must have learnt that habit from my old man.

Stopped at an Al Bhed travel agency where a man called Rin gave me a book. It had real words and everything, but no pictures.

Chatted with Yuna in the sunset. Was forced to agree with her when she said it was pretty, must try to appear sensitive. Turns out Yuna's going to kill my old man. Resisting urge to cheer.

**Day 9**

Had to fight a Chocobo Eater, first thing in the morning to. I was just explaining what coffee was to the agency assistant when Auron came in and said, "That's our cue." What? That screaming?

Saved the chocobos but Rin refused to let me have one for our dinner tonight. He said we could ride them instead, but it's just not the same. I have been told Chocobo tastes like chicken.

**Day 9 later**

Took part in Operation Mi'hen. I told everyone, 'you get a bunch of fiends together and you're asking for trouble'. Turned out a bit of a mess. Bodies everywhere, Yuk.

Tried to have a word with Sin about him showing up at such inopportune moments but he ran away. Went on to Temple of Djose. There were all these little ratty things running around. One ran up Auron's pants leg, I just had to laugh.

**Day 10**

Woke Yuna up this morning but was disappointed to find she sleeps fully clothed. She was mad at us for not waking her, but we got her back by telling her she had bed hair when she didn't actually.

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What do you think? Should I continue? I understand a lot of people won't appreciate the humour but oh well...

Thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 2

Well, despite my disinclination to do so, I've been bullied into writing another chapter to this story. Hope you all find it as enjoyable as the last.

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**Day 10 Later**

Went to the Moonflow, a big river letting off noxious gasses. Rode a giant elephant thing across the river. Was distracted from trying to push Auron over board when Yuna got kidnapped. Auron then pushed _me_ overboard to go and save her. Peh. Saved her but didn't get a thank you kiss, worse luck.

Met Rikku again! Turns out she was the one who tried to kidnap Yuna. Maybe she's jealous…Anyhow, she joined our team but made me promise not to tell Wakka she's Al Bhed. I keep forgetting the orange haired git is a technophobe.

Arrived at Guadosalam. Everyone here has blue dreadlocks and long fingers. Girly Seymour lives here in his _palace_ snigger. He asked to see Yuna but I can't see why. I think he's kinda gay. He showed us a hologram of Zanarkand. I'd just started to point out that the Noodle Bar was on 2nd Avenue not first when he asked Yuna to marry him.

**Day 10 Much later**

Went to the Farplane so Yuna could visit her dead parents. Apart from looking disturbingly alike, they looked happy together. Made me wonder if Yuna would agree to marry girly Seymour, which would be too gross by far.

Next we crossed the thunder plains. Not bad except Rikku kept screaming like a Seymour. At one point she clung to my leg, which, in retrospect, was not so bad. Turns out Yuna is going to marry the girly man. Eww!

Finally arrived at Macar…er Macalania Temple. Turns out Seymour is "bad news" so we get to kill him. Have not felt this good in days. On the down side, we are now traitors. Busy fighting off pursuit when 'you know who' showed up. Seems he can be quite handy as a mode of transportation.

**Day 11 (I hope)**

Alone in the desert…enough said. Found the others minus Yuna but Rikku seems to know her way around. Nothing like following a jogging girl in hot pants to make you feel better. Made our way to Rikku's home but it wasn't quite up to entertaining. On the plus side, got an uber cool ride.

**Day 11 (Later)**

We're off to Bevelle to rescue Yuna from her grim fate as Seymour's wife. This is even more gross now that the girly man is DEAD. We had to fight a giant dragon. Auron made a comment about the red carpet having teeth! Another sign of his dementia.

We tried to stop the wedding but didn't do a very good job of it. In the end, Yuna rescued herself by jumping off a tower.

**Day 12**

We have been caught and put on trial. Our sentence is to be thrown in the sewer. As if the long boring trial wasn't punishment enough. On the plus, we finally found Yuna again.

**Day 13**

We are now fugitives on the run as well as being a summoner and her guardians which is far more exciting in my opinion. We made it to the Calm Lands, a huge grassy plain infested with Chocobos. Maybe I'll finally get to see if they really taste like chicken.

**Day 13 (later)**

Wakka says he thinks Chocobos are protected. He can see no other reason why the Chocobo trainer freaked out like that. I'm inclined to agree.

**Day 14**

Next we must cross a snow covered mountain. Has no one else noticed Rikku is wearing hot pants?

Met some of Kimahri's relatives. I never realized Kimahri was so titchy.

**Day 15**

Made it across the mountain and to Zanarkand. Honestly, I leave for a measly thousand years and everything goes to pot.

Turns out there is no Final Aeon. False advertising I say. Auron tried to make an excuse about not telling us this but I know he just forgot. The man is senile after all.

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It seems silly not to finish this now that it's so close to the end so I'll give it a shot but please don't expect it too soon. I must concentrate what little time I have for writing on The Tenth Fantasy. 


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